He is back, but there is a lot of healing to be done to our hearts, and his mind.

I am back to training, I have missed it. Missed the sand under my feet and the sea breeze blowing through my hair.

I am pleased to see that the guild is happier, well it seems that way, atleast. I can not wish for a better family than the one I have.

I am out of words for now dear journal
Goodnight

Count till ten, Shade and be calm. And did is exactly what I did. Last few days have been calm and I am starting to feel much better. I feel that I can face the day again. And to make my day much better, I saw Garrat. I am so happy he is back.

In general I have been very lazy lately. Been wandering on Midnight Beach every now and again, not realy doing much of anything. But that will now change, I need to get out there and train.

All that needed to be said was said....

I woke up in the Abbey last night, feeling very uncomfortable. I was barely awake when I recived a messge from Ellyana, telling me that there is something wrong with Sashtan, and I should come to the Dundee in. I rushed over there, to find Sashtan sitting at a table, sweating, and Ellyana busy with his shoulder. She informed me that he had a sting of some sort on his shoulder and it seems to be poisoness. I bent before him and took his hand, but he showed me away....screaming at me about taking his pig farm away. I know that he grew up on a pig farm, but at that moment it seems that he had forgotten who he is and that he is no longer on that farm. Damask and Blyndde was there aswell, helping Ellyana. He was shouting at Tarn, and sprung up throwing the chair and storming out of there, barely being able to walk. We rushed after him, he collapsed at the fountain where Lucy came to open a portal to Bran, so that we can get him to Kathryan. He did not want to know anything about it and stormed off again. We followed him all the way in the plains, well I thought it was the plains still, untill I saw a creature that I myself can not take care of. I was informed that we were in N'rolav.

Ellyana handed us some scrolls to Bran, which I stood there reading and forced him to jump in. She met us there and so did Damask. We helped him to Kathryan where she tended to his wounds. At that point I left...

I have not spoken to him since last night, I have no idea how he is now and if he remembers anything.

I have never felt so hurt in my life before, so offended by someone I care so deeply about.

I was at the Dundee in, me and Tarn was having a few ales when Sashtan came stumbling in. I am not ready to talk to him yet and therefor got up to lave when he grabbed me by the arm and starting shouted at me, he keeps saying I took everything away from him, but yet I did not and is so confued. I do not know what to do anymore, he left pushing me oneside, I went after him, fuming. He would not talk, only curse and so I left him sitting at the fountain.

I am surrounded by feelings I do not understand.

One moment we were happy, the next he leaves the guild and me behind. I love him and I believe that he loves me, but how can he be so bitter towards me, push me one side and treat me like his enemy. It all happened so sudden, so unexpected when I woke up yesterday, not seeing the usual loving smile from him but anger in his eyes. I sit here thinking over and over, trying to see where all this begun, trying to figure out what I did to deserve such treatment from the man I love. He is so darn stubborn!! He will not talk to me, and maybe that is for the best, I do not think I can gaurd my mouth if I had to tell him what I think about it all. When he said he is leaving, I told him if he is not happy he should go, maybe that was the mistake....thinking that he is bluffing!

I feel numb, I feel like all this did not really happen and I will wake up from a nightmare..

Sashtan just left...

A thousand somber travesties,
a thousand tears to dry
Seated in mortality,
a new day passes by

Slain of another light,
now slumber fast, my dear
heed not the voices of this night
which murmur in your ear

I slumber in a maidens grave
this night it closes in on me,
drowning here whithin my pain
blind as sin, I cannot see
because I cant disconnect from the haunting in your eyes
dragging me down into this shade
And I cant breath

Fought my first green crystal guardian today with the help of Sashtn, neededless to say I did not get very far! Other then that, the enchanters tower is finally done in our guild hall and it looks wonderfull!

Training has been slow, not sure what to do with myself actually. Feel like sending days in the Abbey and forget about everything.

I have been spnding the last few days back down in the mines. It is not as dark as it always has been now that my eyes are getting used to it. There is a fowl smell down here though, somethings rotting. Many corpses laying about. In my few days here I have seen no one else, except for Sashtan. Seems this place is really forgotten.

Things have calmed down in the guild, it makes me happy to see everyone can get along again. Damask has been training very hard, I hope he finds some enchantment soon.

My hair has really been bugging me these days, I do not know why, it is just one of those things. Ellyana does not like my idea of changing one of the guild hall rooms into a hairdresser, wonder why. Oh, why not just have hair cuts in the mooon! That way I can enjoy a ale whiles having it done!! I like that idea! Maybe Sashtan can have his hair done too, it is really becoming out of hand talking about hair, I ran into a old friend the other day, Diwrath, he has the strangest situation with his hair, he only has one string on the back of his head, and when pulled on - it grows

Well I should probably get up and do some more training before dark.

Today my thinking ended, I know what comes next.

After I left the Abbey I went to the great temple and said my prayers. I felt at peace, being able to let go of so many matters that was a burden to my heart and to have clarity of how to take things back into my own hands.


I feel wonderfull

For the last few days, I have been sitting - thinking, in the Ruined Abbey. Thinking about the past, oh how I missed the days when the only worry I had was getting to Dundee Inn on time to meet with friends. The days when the only tears I shed was from laughing too much.

As I sit here, all that I feel around me is anger and hate. Friends, no, family cursing at each other and hurting each other. That hurts me more then anyone will ever know. I keep myself locked up in here, for the abbey is the only place I feel I can truelly be myself.

As leader of a guild, I find myself more having to put up a strong face to keep peace, put my foot down and sad to say having to take care of some members like they were children. The winter in the garden, is in my heart, and it is a struggle. It is a struggle to not feel anger towards some, a struggle to keep up a strong front. Do I always say the right things the right way? No, I do not. But what have been happening in the guild the last days have torn me apart, I wonder as I sit here if my family will be the same again. If matters can be sorted without hate, am I going to wake up one day realising it had fallen apart completely.